Are you a part of the problem - Or a part of the solution

Such a lovely weather – spring is just around the corner J

My energy level blows the scale!

I’ve made a new layout on my blog – hope you like it. I’m just getting to know the way of changing, it’s a world of its own! Exciting! I love it. Guess I’ll change a bit more often – like the seasons.

Nothing’s really new around here at the moment. Still need to arrange a lot of things for the confirmation, but everything at its time! The invitations will be done this weekend. At the end of marts we have a meeting with the lady who is going to cook and take care of the serving, and we have to decide how to cover the tables – that’s very interesting.

But right now it’s the invitations, and they are ready to be made.

It’s quite silent in my inbox too. Nothing’s new there either – but I’m coping with it J Even though I miss your letters – indeed!

And well, it’s quite silent in my head too! Kind of empty, doing what’s necessary, surviving, sometimes maybe even living. Not as I wish in the end, but still…

Anyway for now I’m enjoying the spring. The birds. And leaving all the wondering, la sognatrice.

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little pray for you
While combing my hair now,
And wondering what dress to wear now,
I say a little prayer for you

Aretha Franklin - I say a little pray for you

Friends

You are always on my mind :-)

I truly love it, nevertheless

I’m back again after some days off. Winter-vacation for the kids, school has been closed, and everything from the daily humdrum has been on stand-by! Not that we had a lot of super exciting things on schedule but the feeling of meeting the day with whatever it’ll bring along  (or don’t bring along!) is awesome! A whole day in your dressing gown or maybe a looooong walk with the dog – you don’t know before the day has passed… -I love that…

But…

Some days off, being with the family all day long, brings up the problems too. We are tearing each other apart. I’m searching answers everywhere. My prayers at night are for signs. And yet I know them perfectly well. But it hurts. And the doubt is killing me. What if I read all the signals wrong? And which consequences will my decisions have? I hate when I don’t know the outcome. I am terrified by the unknown concerning my family. You know what you have, not what you’ll get! –Hate that saying too!!!

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could look up all the tuff answers in a big book of life??!!

-No... I know…

Guess the only right encyclopedia is your soul. And you have to cross a lot of memories and experiences to read it.

No one told us life would be untroubled… -But Jesus, how I truly love it, nevertheless J

A medley of feelings

During 27 years.

1985

There's a boy I know
he's the one I dream of.
Looks into my eyes
takes me to the clouds above.
Oh
I lose control
can't seem to get enough.
When I wake from dreamin'
tell me
is it really love?

I was 10 years old when this song went straight to top! Now, looking at my son who is almost 13 years, ten years seems so young, but never the less I remember the song very clear - not to mention the feelings I had at the time. I was deeply in love with this guy, one year older than me. He lived in the same little town not far from me, and I did everything possible to get a glimpse of him! We shared the same interests, except one! His beautiful white horse – Lady! I was terrified! Such a big animal! But there was no way back, if I wanted to impress him, I had to love horses, and I had to get up on the back of Lady! (Must have looked like a bunch of potatoes jumping up and down on the poor horse!)

Now I can’t help smiling when I think of it J I don’t know where he lives, and what happened to him. He was my first love, before I actually began wondering what love was all about. –Maybe that’s the one and only right and true love…?

1987

Clocks strikes upon the hour
And the sun begins to fade
Still enough time to figure out
How to chase my blues away
I've done alright up 'til now
It's the light of day that shows me how
And when the night falls loneliness calls

Oh! Wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah! Wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me

Two years later I was still in love with the guy with the horse. Remembering my childhood, I think I was crazy about him all the time. –Charming, humorous, handsome and warm is the first adjectives I think about. We were lovers for a period, don’t remember how long, but to me in too short time! We never danced, but the song above was a symbol of my feelings! I was really high.

Of course it came to an end. We were only children. And even though I was ready to marry him, and ready to ride his horse every single day, despite my fear, he broke my heart:

I know it's been some time
But there's something on my mind
You see, I haven't been the same
Since that cold November day...
We said we needed space
But all we found was an empty place
And the only thing I learned
Is that I need you desperately...
So here I am
And can you please tell me... oh

Where do broken hearts go
Can they find their way home
Back to the open arms
Of a love that's waiting there
And if somebody loves you
Won't they always love you
I look in your eyes
And I know that you still care, for me

1990

From the moment I saw you
I went outta my mind
Though I never believed in, love at first sight
But you got a magic
That I just can't explain
Well you got a, you got a way that you make me feel
I can do, I can do anything for you baby
I'll be down for you baby
Lay all my cards out tonight
Just call on me baby
I'll be there in a hurry
It's your move, so baby
Baby decide!

Whatever you want from me
I'm givin' you everything
I'm your baby tonight
You've given me ecstasy
You are my fantasy
I'm your baby tonight

My teenage years in the early nineties I remember like a rollercoaster. Trying to find myself, trying to figure out my family and relations. A huge puzzle and no one to help with the pieces! I wanted to be myself, be independent, make a life of my own, cutting of all kind of common sense. Guess I was a bit of a rebel… knowing deep inside my family wasn’t like most families – not at all actually! But the glamorous surface was about to choke me! Why don’t call a spade a spade?!

“I’m your baby tonight” gives me a very good feeling… I had some good moments with it, and I think my daydreaming-habit increased in this period… Sure this spared me a lot of concern…

1992

If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of
the way

And I...
Will always
Love you, oohh
Will always
Love you
You
My darling you
Mmm-mm

Bittersweet
Memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need

And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you
You, ooh

What a great song. Nothing less than marvelous. And a wonderful movie. I loved it from the first time, but I must say, it only got better, and the older I became the more meaning I got from it. The more I’m growing and the more my puzzle is coming to place the more sense it all gives…

1996

Well there's a bridge and there's a river that I still must cross
As I'm going on my journey
Oh, I might be lost

And there's a road I have to follow, a place I have to go
Well no-one told me just how to get there
But when I get there I'll know
Cuz I'm taking it

Step By Step, Bit by Bit,
Stone By Stone (Yeah), Brick by Brick (Oh, yeah)
Step By Step, Day By Day, Mile by mile (ooh, ooh, ooh)

This song really describes my life perfectly – through many years… The only different now from then is the calm and certainty I have inside.

1998

If tomorrow is judgment day
And I'm standin' on the front line
And the Lord ask me what I did with my life
I will say I spent it with you

If I wake up in WW 3
I see destruction and poverty
And I feel like I want to go home
It's okay if your commin' with me

Cause your love is my love
and my love is your love
It would take an eternity to break us
And the chains of Amistad couldn’t hold us

If I lose my fame and fortune
And I'm homeless on the street
And I'm sleepin' in Grand Central Station
It's okay if you're sleepin' with me

As the years they pass us by
we stay young through eachother's eyes
And no matter how old we get
It's okay as long as I got you babe

Cause your love is my love
and my love is your love
It would take an eternity to break us
And the chains of Amistad couldn’t hold us

If I should die this very day
Don't cry, cause on earth we wasn't meant to stay
And no matter what people day
I'll be waiting for you after judgment day

Cause your love is my love
and my love is your love
It would take an eternity to break us
And the chains of Amistad couldn’t hold us

Quiet and pleasant with a voice like silk. This is truly a classic to me. Reminds me of all the love I have in my life, and makes me appreciate my true living and breathing treasures (which sometimes drowns in my troubled and dreaming head J ) Fortunately my dear ones are dragging me up and keeping me ALIVE – bet they don’t even know what a great job they are doing – just by being who they are… I sure am more rich of love than I have ever dreamt of. Gratefulness is suddenly a tiny word…

Well, hope you liked my little medley J

Do you know the feeling?

Do you know the feeling of missing someone really bad? Like really really bad? The way your thoughts are circling every single time it’s possible. The way you constantly open your mailbox to look for a letter, or to write a letter – only to dele it again… The way your stomach is turning when you think of the person. The way you fold your hands at night, saying a prayer for the person. The way your eyes are shining and lips are smiling only by the thought of the one.

And yet you don’t even know whether it truly is the one at all! You don’t even know the person, all though you feel like you do! Is that possible? You don’t have anything tangible – but the feeling… And what a feeling… Sometimes really happiness and excitement, sometimes sadness and loss. Happiness because of the inner joy you have been blessed with getting to know such a wonderful person. Sadness because you haven’t had enough.

Now, looking out of the window, watching the sun shining from a clear sky, with my eyes following the birds from tree to tree, my thoughts are circling again. I’m glad. Thankful. Full of gratefulness in my stomach! Despite of missing really really bad J

Compassion

Do you know Andrea Bochelli? A year ago I didn’t! Then this song  was presented to me – and I couldn’t anything else than love it J I sense all the compassion which fills the Italian personality, in my veins to the rhythm…

Try the links below and make your own decision…

Vivo per lei

I live for her

Vivo per lei da quando sai
La prima volta l'ho incontrata
Non mi ricordo come ma
Mi entrata dentro e c'è restata
Vivo per lei perché mi fa
Vibrare forte l'anima
Vivo per lei e non un peso

Vivo per lei anch'io lo sai
E tu non esserne celoso
Lei di tutti quelli che
Hanno un bisogno sempre acceso
Come uno stereo in camera
Di chi da solo e adesso sa
Che anche per lui, per questo
Io vivo per lei

È una musa che ci invita
A sfiorarla con le dita
Atraverso un pianoforte
La morte lontana
Io vivo per lei

Vivo per lei che spesso sa
Essere dolce e sensuale
A volte picchia in testa una
Un pugno che non fa mai male
Vivo per lei lo so mi fa
Girare di citta' in citta'
Soffrire un po' ma almeno io vivo

 

4 Checkmarks

Another week has gone now! Time flies by so quickly – fortunately I don’t get any older J This week we finally got a dress for my daughter for her confirmation. A huge pressure left my shoulders!! Everyone around us were way ahead of us – and the stores kept telling us, that we were late, and they don’t have the same selection any longer!! Come on, it’s in the end of April!! Why are everybody so hysterical?? It’s not a wedding! Guess that’s why it has taken her so long finding the right dress, she didn’t want to look like a bride – like most of her classmates. But now the hunt is over J

We know where to celebrate her, what to eat and we have the invitations ready to make and send out. Four important checkmarks on my to do list J

Amazing what you can accomplish in one week – when it gets you!

Have a lovely weekend everybody J

I believe in love

I just love this song. It goes round and round in my head today. Sang it in the bathroom this morning – could see a little smile on the face of my daughter… She thinks I’m crazy, loving songs from the eighties. –Then I’m old J I will spare you for my lousy vocal – here are the phrases:


I know nothing stays the same
But if you're willing to play the game
It's coming around again

So don't mind if I fall apart
There's more room in a broken heart

And I believe in love
But what else can I do?
I'm so in love with you

Coming around again, Carly Simon

One of the features of our century

Such a lovely weather the last couple of days. The sun has been shining from a frosty clear sky J Had a day off yesterday – was at home with my daughter. A kind of flu or “wanna-be-at-home-anyway-today” for her, and her mother caught the chance of getting some bonus time with her alone… We took a long walk across the fields with the dog – enjoying the sun and the twittering birds. Yes, it’s winter and d*** cold, but with the sun and the birds – it’s like speed directly in your veins! (Not that I ever tried that!!) But a little taste of spring… And even though the trees are naked and barren, you know they suck all the sun beams and within a few weeks they are with tiny green leaves – isn’t it amazing?

The afternoon in front of the TV and the fireplace right beside us – really cozy! Unbelievable how many series they send! And unbelievable how few of them are worth watching! One caught our  attention: Boston Legal. Actually I knew it, and I always watch it when it’s possible. I like most of the society issues the layers are dealing with – both in and out of court! True – sometimes a lot of filler, anyway it makes you look at an issue from another angle – and challenges your morals…

Funny, in the radio this morning they mentioned that today is the day where most employees truants from work! Guess I did yesterday! And to be totally honest, I cannot even get bad conscience! I am really loyal to my work, and no one else is doing my job when I’m absent, I always catch up when I’m back. And sometimes you have to take care of your family – right? It’s got to be one of the features of our century J

Come together

Things have been quiet the last couple of days. Quiet all the way around my on the surface normal life.

Now facing a weekend with family visit, a lot of lovely food, cozy come-together spirit and relaxing. That’s what I need. Hopefully things turn out that way… you never know…

Anyway – I’ll do my part J And I really look forward to the family visit, always really nice – also for the kids.

Do you remember?

Sweetie…you asked me if I remember… of course I do – what a question!

Let me ask you – do you remember…?

I'm in the mood for dancin', romancin'

Ooh I'm given' it all tonight

I'm in the mood for chancin'

I feel like dancin'

Ooh so come on and hold me tight

Dancin', I'm in the mood, babe

So let the music play

Ooh I'm dancin', I'm in the groove, babe

So get on up and let your body sway

 Do you know that song? It really gets you in the mood…Well let’s take a slow one…

…is dancing with me cheek to cheek

There's nobody here, it's just you and me, It's where I wanna be

But I hardly know this beauty by my side

I'll never forget, the way you look tonight

 So sweet… have you seen the movie? But…now we are close, I have to admit something…

I've been alone with you inside my mind

And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times

I sometimes see you pass outside my door

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

 Also a slow one, with a voice as silk…but I’m not finish confessing…

I look at you and I fantasize

You're mine tonight

Now I've got you in my sights

With these hungry eyes

One look at you and I can't disguise

I've got hungry eyes

I feel the magic between you and I

 Also from a movie, as sweet as the other one… speaking of eyes…

Sexy eyes, moving 'cross the floor, couldn't want for more, sexy eyes

Sexy eyes, getting down with you, I wanna move with you, sexy eyes

I got up and took your hand and we both began to dance to the music

Ooh your magic cast a spell, it didn't take long 'til we fell and we knew it

No more lonely nights for me, this is how its gonna be

  

 An old song… not sure the band exist anymore… let’s take another one of their hits

Look into my eyes and give me that smile,

the one that always turns me on

And let me take your hair down,

'cause we're stayin' up to greet the sun

When your body's had enough of me

And I'm layin flat out on the floor

When you think I've loved you all I can

I'm gonna love you a little bit more

 …are you still hanging on??  okay, I’ll slow down…you know, sono una sognatrice, so the next you know for sure…

Sweet dreams are made of this

Who am I to disagree?

I travel the world

And the seven seas--

Everybody's looking for something.

Some of them want to use you

Some of them want to get used by you

Some of them want to abuse you

Some of them want to be abused

 After a long night…

The morning light caresses your face on my pillow

You’re still asleep and you're so beautiful

I’m so proud that I lie right beside you

My bed, my sheets, you and me, so suitable

You give me the best of you, and I wanna give you the best of me

I know that to two of us together we are meant to be

I adore you, my body’s calling for you

I feel like I’ve come home when I’m with you

You’re so beautiful

I just thought you ought to know

This is original

I never felt like this way before

And now I’m waking up with you

I can't believe that this is true

You’re so beautiful

 Well to tell you the truth:

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover

I'm a child, I'm a mother

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

I do not feel ashamed

I'm your health, I'm your dream

I'm nothing in between

You know you wouldn't want it any other way

Just when you think you've got me figured out

the season's already changing

I think it's cool you do what you do

and don't try to save me

The Spirit

You heard my prayer

And calmed my worried heart

Let me take you on a journey

I have so many songs in my head right now. Songs describing my situation and feelings. Let me take you on a journey in the universe of Eurythmics.

Listen to the music

How many sorrows
Do you try to hide
In a world of illusion
That's covering your mind?
I'll show you something good
Oh I'll show you something good.
When you open your mind
You'll discover the sign
That there's something
You're longing to find

The miracle of love
Will take away your pain
When the miracle of love
Comes your way again.

Cruel is the night
That covers up your fears.
Tender is the one
That wipes away your tears.
There must be a bitter breeze
To make you sting so viciously
They say the greatest coward
Can hurt the most ferociously.
But I'll show you something good.
Oh I'll show you something good.
If you open your heart
You can make a start
When your crumbling world falls apart.

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas,
Everybody's looking for something.

Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.

No one on earth could feel like this
I'm thrown and overflown with bliss
There must be an angel
Playing with my heart
I walk into an empty room
And suddenly my heart goes boom
It's an orchestra of angels
And they're playing with my heart
(Must be talking to an angel)

No one on earth could feel like this
I'm thrown and overflown with bliss
There must be an angel
Playing with my heart

And when I think that I'm alone
It seems there's more of us at home
It's a multitude of angels
And they're playing with my heart

I must be hallucinating
Watching angels celebrating
Could this be reactivating
All my senses dislocating
This must be a strange deception
By celestial intervention
Leavin' me the recollection
Of your heavenly connection

Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion
I want to walk in the open wind
I want to talk like lovers do
I want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you

So baby talk to me
Like lovers do
Walk with me
Like lovers do
Talk to me
Like lovers do

Now you know my story

I really have to take a very deep breath at the moment! More than once a day! Problems are raging and my shoulders starts feeling too small now! My head is spinning and even though they say a woman can keep 10 different things going at the same time, I’m not sure it’s the case here! –And problems at home are only occupying one half of my brain – the practical part! The other half is busy handling my emotions after my mail to you yesterday. Was telling you everything wise? Previous I have been so determined not to tell you until it was possible face to face. What happened to all those arguments?

You probably think I’m a complete idiot! And I don’t blame you. My story is a mess from a to z – and you’ve only heard a bit of it. Maybe that’s also one of the reasons that I would tell you face to face – to watch your reaction. This kind of silence is killing me! –you know that! Either you haven’t read my mail yet, or you do not know what to say, or you just don’t want to talk to me again… God forbid the last one!

Anyway now you know my story – even though only in headlines.

Finally weekend

It’s been tough the last 10 days at home. Personal problems in the family, and I have been the only one who could stay focused. Maybe because I after all these years have become a bit cold and learned to distance myself. I don’t get so emotionally involved any longer, and this is important. It saves me from a lot of concern  and anxiety. –And makes it possible for me to take care of the ones I love.

To think of all the beauty in my life, to take a deep breath and think twice, this have become my mantra. –And I’m actually proud of myself J It succeed more and more!! Is it okay to praise yourself?! Yeah, I will proudly bury the Jante Law !! I am really growing J

It’s nice to look out of the window, suck all the sunbeams and know deep inside that the puzzle will be done, bit by bit – by myself…

Music I love

I just love this song, both with and without Tina Turner.Have a break and turn up the volume – follow the link right below:

Listen to the music

Cose della vita

Sono umane situazioni
Quei momenti fra di noi
I distacchi ed i ritorni
Da capirci niente poi
Gia come vedi
Sto pensando a te...si...da un po'



They're just human contradictions
Feeling happy feeling sad
These emotional transitions
All the memories we've had
Yes, you know it's true
I just can't stop thinking of you

No I just can't pretend
All the time we spent could die
Wanna feel it again
All the love we felt then

Confinanti di cuore solo che ognuno sta
Dietro gli steccati degli orgogli suoi
Sto pensando a te
Sto pensando a noi

Sono cose della vita
Vanno prese un po' cosi
Some for worse and some for better
But through it all we've come so far
Gia...come vedi
Io sto ancora in piedi perche

Sono umani tutti i sogni miei
Con le mani io li prenderei, si perchè
What's life without a dream to hold?
Take my hand and never let me go

It's part of life together
But what future does it hold?
Sono cose della vita
Ma la vita poi dov'e

Yes, you know it's true
I just can't stop thinking of you
Questa notte che passa piano accanto a me
Cerco di affrontarla, afferrarla
If our hearts miss a beat
Or get lost like a ship at sea
I wanna remember, I can never forget

Can't stop thinking of you
Sto pensando a noi Can't stop thinking of you
Can't stop

My future Kingdom

The pictures are filling my head

The movies are running through

The music is beautiful and clear

The wonderful symphony  I hear

My luggage is bursting

Memories from many years

Thoughts and feelings – tears and smiles

I have passed thousands of miles

I see the horizon

I feel the air

Independence, liberty and freedom

Will be my future kingdom

You are the breath I'm missing

9 month ago now

but still beautiful

maybe even more...

Storms are beating our head

and bead of melancholy hurting our rest

but since the first day of the verb to be

I've stared your eyes

you've licked my wounds

Who are you?

Who am I?

What is love?

You are the muse of yesterday and tomorrow

and I'm floating on spirit and flesh

you and me

no ties to the world

pieces of heart thrown here and there

looking for freedom and flowering trees.

I'm the green palm of your sunny waterfront,

I'm cedar and ocean and deep,

you are wood and marble and ivory

horizon, trip and uncharted path

We are misunderstandings deceits hypocrisies

I’m the breath you are missing

You are the fist tightening dreams in my throat…



Welcome 2012

A New year – welcome 2012

I need some changes now… I feel like making something new, so how about some bright colors on my blog? The day is getting longer, and the light is slowly returning…

I believe it’s going to be a good year. I’m full of optimism. I’m so close to who I am, closer than for years, and I love it.

Hope you all will have a wonderful 2012