Happy Easter

Easter J That means extra days off, time with the kids and family, and a lot of wonderful food! It’s really a cozy time and I cherish it a lot.

It’s time to do the last things before the confirmation in a month, our clothes, the decorations for the tables, greetings to the other children and so on. Lots of small things but together it’s takes time – I know! It’s a fantastic day for all of us, and especially for my kid, the youngest and last one J

This Easter we are also visiting family members, whom we seldom see – it’s very nice. I miss my sister and brother, and their big families, far away, and the kids miss their uncle and aunt J

The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances. ~Robert Flatt

Have a lovely Easter everybody J

Patience

I want to have my goal clear in mind

To know it, and where to find

I will not keep traveling this road

Frustrating and with fear in my throat

I want to live and feel alive

Being able to cry or give a smile

But patience is a virtue

And necessary for now – that’s true

It doesn’t make it easier though

And the fear of how things will go

It’s haunting me at night

A disaster running through my sight

keeping focused is the challenge for me

being aware of how it shall be

a life like the birds free in the sky

never questioning feelings or why

taking control to stand up for myself

admitting my place on another shelf

The feeling of relaxation

I just love this Blog background! It’s the house I’m gonna get in Italy J I have almost the same background here on my computer at work, and it’ so great to look at! I cannot wait till spring, to change the image, so meantime this will be it!

I’m dreaming of Italy, summer, sun, recreation, the perfect smell of the warm earth and dry grass gives me the feeling of joy and relaxation…

Anyway, it’s not summer vacation yet – but we are rushing towards it, and the next months are full of national holidays, so it’s a little taste of it…

Smile :-)

Bruises

This is such a wonderful song:-)

Train - Bruises

feat. Ashley Monroe
Haven't seen you since high school
Good to see you're still beautiful
Gravity hasn't started to pull
Quite yet I bet you're rich as hell

One that's five and one that's three
Been two years since he left me
Good to know that you got free
That town I know was keeping you down on your knees

These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all got bruises
We all got bruises

Have you seen him? Not in years
How about her? No but I hear
She's in Queens with the man of her dreams
Funny back then she said that about you

Que sera you'll never guess who I saw
Remember Johnny B remember him we were best friends practically
Let's do this soon again, ten years is that what it's been?
Can't believe how time flies by
Leaving you makes me wanna cry

These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all got bruises
We all got bruises

I would love to fix it all for you
I would love to fix you too
Please don't fix a thing whatever you do

These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to know you've got a friend
That you remember now and then
Everybody loses

These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses,everybody loses, everybody loses
We all got bruises, We all got bruises, We all got bruises

I can

I can talk about the weather – and I do!

I can talk about my work – and I do!

…I can talk about everything – but you!

I can take care of my house, kids, work

I can take care like a wife

I can take care of anything – but my own private life

The path is granted

The calm I will  find

…Hopefully somewhere in my mind

It's back

You won’t believe the sight I woke up to yesterday. Powder white beautiful snow J as far as your eye can see – the trees, the fields and the streets, everything! That’s breathtaking! So stunning J

But, only a week ago I was carried away by the sun and gentle weather, dreaming about spring! That’s far in the horizon now! And when I’m done admiring the view and the stillness all the white snow brings along, I’m thinking of all the disadvantages! Almost impossible to come to work – my bike cannot handle the snow drifts!! It took me more than half an hour, normally I do it in 10 minutes. I was sweaty like a dock worker!!

Well, it is beautiful! And I enjoy it – to a certain limit J

At work we are planning summer vacation – who wants when? Brings the usual question along – what can we afford?! The kids are so desperate to get south as we use to… And I must admit I’m too! I simply love it. But as the adult I have to think further… Guess time will tell. We have another big occasion this year, another confirmation – this time the youngest J And we have the costs fresh in mind…

But dreams are for free… If somebody should know, it’s me J

I'm quite confident

Another week has gone. I’m partly introduced to my new tasks, which will fill up half of my work. It’s going to be all right! I have to calm myself, I have had some second thoughts – and still have – because the new tasks are more administrative than case working which I have been used to the last two years… (I’m not sure “case working” is the right expression, you know the work in the municipal (council?) where you help citizens…? If you have a comment on this, please do J)

Anyway, I really love my job, helping people and feeling useful J I also love my colleagues and the culture here, guess some administrative tasks don’t ruin my world – as long as I’m still a case worker too. I’ll give it a shot, I’m not ready to switch job and face huge changes - I hope I can mobilize all my energy against another life, a life where I as an individual am able to live as I want – without always being questioned or confronted… That’s my wish for this year… Changes at home not to many at work…

I’m quite confident J the last couple years have shown me the way…

May you all have a lovely weekend

Back to normal :-)

Happy New Year everyone J

The last days of 2012 passed as a blink of an eye! My son got ill, then my daughter and in the end myself! The flu caught us, and took 5 days of our vacation. I felt like I was beaten up – my whole body was aching.

But a lovely Christmas and new year, the days I was vertical J wonderful food, and cozy atmosphere… Cannot believe it’s all over now…

First day at work today after the vacation. So happy to have a work to get up to – a month ago I only had the vacancy, now I’m permanent here as all the others. It meant a slight change in my tasks, but I’m quite confident, it’ll be all right. I still love it here – it’s not perfect but as close as possible, and that’s very satisfying to me… For the first time in 4 years I have a permanent job J Now I hope for further education – I love to learn, but depending on the costs it’ll might be next year… anyway it comes second…

The sun is shining right outside my window. It’s so liberating J I cannot help but thinking of spring, knowing it’s far too soon and we still have a high risk of getting snow and  unstable weather! But it’s so wonderful… I’ll suck all the light inside when I ride my bike home…

Status

One more week, then it’s vacation for the kids and I. FOR ALMOST TWO WEEKS! It’s wonderful, and I need it. My head is full. No signs of a white Christmas this year, a bit sad, but we are going to have some fantastic days off anyway!

Watch TV, the usual classics and hopefully some premieres, have a lot of marvelous food, candy, tea and hot chocolate… That’s life J Maybe not even get dressed on some days and other days walking across the fields with the dog.

Grandma and her husband are joining us Christmas eve, and new year’s eve my dear friend and her family are coming. I really look forward to these two evenings, filled with so much love and devotion…

Well, I’ll have to get through the next 7 days of work, and frankly, I’ve tried worse! I have given birth to two children!! J

everything at its own time

Snow is covering the country – my kids love it. It’s freezing, but actually very beautiful.

A hectic time at work, my patience is running out, sorry to say it, cause I really do not like when moods and situations are influencing the way you act towards others. I prefer a professional line – and I’m usually very poker-face-like! Well, at least I’m aware about it, and working on it – and what – I’m only human…

Christmas around the corner, am I ready? Hell no! Do I have the overview of all the presents, food and gatherings the next 4 weeks? Hell no!

Sorry about my language – guess my patience is bothering me again…

Due to my back pain I’m consulting a physiotherapist, and I read somewhere, that when you start working with your body and getting a bit more loose it also influences your mind – of course I’ll say – I do believe the holistic point of view… Guess more things are happening in the back of my head, than I’m capable of suppressing…

Well, I take a deep breath and shake my head – everything at its own timeJ

Another song in my head :-)

She's just a girl and she's on fire
Hotter than a fantasy, lonely like a highway
She's living in a world and it's on fire
Feeling with catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away

Ohhhh oh oh oh oh
She got both feet on the ground
And she's burning it down
Ohhhh oh oh oh oh
She got her head in the clouds
And she's not backing down

This girl is on fire...
This girl is on fire...
She's walking on fire...
This girl is on fire...

Alicia Keys – Girl on Fire

Yes yes :-)

She is so right - PINK. I love her songs... here is a verse from a new one:

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned

But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die

Pink - Try

Push all the right buttons

I’m fighting some major infiltrations in my back and neck at the moment – and when I say major, I mean really MAJOR! I cannot come up with any other word right now, but if you think bigger than major – then that’s the size of my problem J

Headache is one of consequences. The feeling of being handicapped is also an annoying consequence. My spine between my shoulder blades feels like a knot – and a big one! No doubt it gives a lot of pain, my right shoulder and arm and the right side of my head, all the way from the backside to my eyes! And probably connected to the pain in my pelvis…

Too much in front of the computer, too little workout and exercise – yes, I know! I have a very bad conscience!

But – I’ve met a magician. A man who can make magic with his hands. Nothing less. He knows where to push, he knows where to pull – and when! He is called a physiotherapist – I’ve met some of his kind before, but no one like him, at all!

Of course it’s not magic. I know perfectly well, I know he is a very skilled and professional person. But I am really so amazed that I consider him a magician. I am so happy to have met him – he has made a great difference to me. I am thankful for those coincidences… to run into people who has a lot to offer, and who knows how to push all the right buttons, both physical and mental.

Enjoy the daily wonders

Such a wonderful time ahead of us. Christmas, a lot of cozy time with family and friends, lovely food, gifts and all the traditions it brings along…

Even though I’m very sensitive at the moment, I am fighting to be present and focusing on my daily wonders – and I am capable of living J

Still have an exceptional male on my mind, and still have some weird dreams… and of course still a lot of confusing questions and mixed thoughts – but never the less – I’m enjoying the season and traditions, Christmas ahead, and as I said before, my daily wonders J

Be Strong

Monday again… it’s been a weekend with lots of mixed emotions and frustrations! Nevertheless I have a smile on my face – the sun is shining – and I have two wonderful kids J basically that’s all I need J

However I know more than ever where my life is heading. It’s scaring. Confusing. But in the end it’ll all turn out well, that’s my hope.

-But the “on and off” pain in my stomach, heart and soul is tuff to deal with. The uncertainty is hard to deal with…

It’s just been such a weekend… “on and off”

Guess deep inside I’m happy it’s Monday – and work is calling…

"Potato-vacation"

The weather is warm and gentle at the moment. A bit rain now and then, but not much and the temperatures are higher than usual autumn. Schools all over the country are closed right now, a week of vacation. Even though I don't have the whole week off, it's so nice and a relaxed atmosphere at home, when the kids have no obligations! No homework and no getting early up in the morning...

It's an old tradition, this week off. Many years ago everyone had to collect potatoes from the fields, inclusive schoolchildren! It had to be done before the ground got frozen - it was a common task!

...I wonder if the kids are aware of how easy their lives are now compared to previous... Now I sound like an old grandma!! "when I was young..." -Well I'm only 37, and no, I haven't collected potatoes either... I have been sleeping untill noon watched telly and only if my father forced me I went for a walk with him :-) I was no different than my kids...

It's so good with a week off - everyone should have the possibility.

Have a nice vacation to you who have...

Good morning :-)

Luciano Pavarotti

Buongiorno a questo giorno che si sveglia oggi con te,

buongiorno al latte ed al caffé, buongiorno a chi non c’è

e al mio amore buongiorno per dirle che è lei

che per prima al mattino veder io vorrei,

è un giorno nuovo e spero che sia buono anche per te.

Listen to the song

So soft...

I just love this song...

Leonard Cohen

"Hallelujah"

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Listen to the music

Summer vacation :-)

Monday 1 October
Grey, cloudy, wet and boring…
Time for candle lights, lighting the stove and perhaps some hot chocolate – maybe low cab??
I have to dig deep to find my motivation for almost everything!
The only thing I want to do, is to dream about vacation… searching for different possibilities… off course in Italy again… but how to get there, how to live there and for how long… some huge questions – which my mind cannot help being occupied with… And my fingers cannot help searching the internet…  And my eyes are encouraged by all the wonderful pictures on my screen… awakening memories from previous vacations…
Sono cose della vita...

You made your mark

My Pocket Philosophy

Still thinking of you

In everything I’m going through

Every day you are on my mind

Totally peace I cannot find

A little word or a tiny thing

My thoughts are spinning around in ring

You made your mark

Now I just cannot park

The feeling you granted

Somehow I feel stranded

Torn between then and now

Tell me where to find me – somehow

3 Doors down

“Here without you”

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Have a lovely weekend everybody :-)

This is the song spinning around right now...

AURA DIONE:

"In Love With The World"

You’re in love with a girl who’s in love with the world
And all I wanna do is spend a little time with you
You spend all your time waiting
Told you right from the start that I’m no 9 to 5
Not planning to stay, wish I could see you every day but
I’m chasing a dream for a living.

I’m not what you wanted, you’re not what I needed
This love is a burden, my heart can't repeat it
I’ve been here before, gotta let you go
I believed in you and me, I hoped to be every thing you ever wanted
You’re asking for more, you’re too insecure

You’re in love with a girl who’s in love with the world
And all I wanna do is spend a little time with you
You spend all your time waiting
Told you right from the start that I’m no 9 to 5
Not planning to stay, wish I could see you every day but
I’m chasing a dream for a living.

You know it’s a fact that my suitcase is packed
Then I beg you to say it’s okay
I can go to the end of the world and still be your girl
Call me on the phone, say you hate to be alone
It’s my fault that you almost cheated
Been here before, you’re too insecure

You’re in love with a girl who’s in love with the world
And all I wanna do is spend a little time with you
You spend all your time waiting
Told you right from the start that I’m no 9 to 5
Not planning to stay, wish I could see you every day but
I’m chasing a dream for a living.

Oh oh oh the world is calling
Oh oh oh the world is calling
All the world is big enough for me

You’re in love with a girl who’s in love with the world
And all I wanna do is spend a little time with you
You spend all your time waiting
Told you right from the start that I’m no 9 to 5
Not planning to stay, wish I could see you every day but
I’m chasing a dream for a living.

Disappear in muscles

I had a dream last night. A very wonderful dream! I was with a man in an intimate and warm way. We touched, but I don’t think we made love… I don’t quite remember actually… But I remember the sight of his beautiful naked body, and I remember the wonderful feeling when we touched. I remember the fantastic feeling being so close to him – feeling his caresses.  He is very very muscular – and in a perfect way. Not like you see on TV, pumped and everything! He is so natural. Muscles because of his work.

I know the man. I see him several times a week, and we often speak. He is just as calm and appealing for real, as in my dream. I would lie if I said that I haven’t had him on my mind before - awake! He is a mason - a real workman. And I tell you, his shirts fits him perfectly!

Weird dream though… To be so close to him – almost to disappear in his arms – and the wonderful feeling awakening in me, indescribable! I can almost recall it now only by thinking about the dream… I wish I can jump into the dream again tonight and continue…

Can’t help wondering… will I blush next time I see him?? J I’ll smile that’s for sure – cause I have a secret – about us…

On the other hand, dreams are often mysterious so maybe it was about another thing…?

What do you think...?

Smile :-)

Someday.......

I received your mail, it was so nice to hear from you. I really love your words… and I understand the distance between us underneath your words… Of course my situation is much different from yours… Our worlds are very different from each other… makes me often wonder how come I’m so drawn to you… also makes me wonder, weather I am drawn or only fascinated and interested in your way of living… what’s the difference between being drawn to and fascinated by…? Maybe it’s slightly the same…?

Anyway, I won’t know now… maybe never – hopefully someday. Sure, someday…! Someday I will be independent and free, in such an extent that I’m able to understand and read my truly and inner feelings, knowing what’s right and wrong, what I want and importantly do not want… without wondering what other persons want me to want…

I’ll get there. Until then, I will enjoy your words – imagine your life, culture, home and everyday life… Maybe I’ll be able to visit you someday…

Nevertheless I cherish that I’ve met you, cherish your words – and the wonderful time that’s been passing, will not return badly – right?! And if faith will grant us more time together – it will be awesome…

Wondering

My brain is wondering

Body slumbering

Every day and every night

All the thoughts are very tight

Dreams so out of the ordinary

Dark or light equal extraordinary

Seems no help to find

Must look behind

The truth is not kind

And under the skin

Deep within

The impatience is running

And somehow will be coming

The powerful compel

Enough for me to tell

That finally harmony

Will be here to be

I'm not too busy :-)

A week has gone now – just like blinking an eye J

Would only wish you a lovely weekend

Don’t ever be too busy to do that :-)

Fantastic Friday

The sun is rising on a sky without any clouds. Just a tiny wind is playing with the leaves – the only sign that my view isn’t a postcard!

People are still having vacation, the office is quiet, and so is the city. The trip to work was marvelous. Only a few cars, a couple of runners, me and some happy birds…

A deep breath and the air was like a vitamin bomb in my body and soul. I just love the trip to work. Nearly 3 miles on my bike, starting with a lovely view over the fields and a rich selection of birds, ending in our little old town with so much cozy atmosphere…

It is a fantastic Friday that’s for sure J

Have a lovely weekend everybody J

Dive into a couple of evergreens

The radio is always on in our office. I’m often the first in the morning and I turn it on right away! I said it before, music is a very important part of my life – I love it J The songs are appealing to me in a funny way, I mean, they produces so many feelings and thoughts and recalls so many memories, both good and bad – fortunately mainly good J
Two characters have made a big impression, and played an important role in my youth. Madonna and Phil Collins. Just heard the two songs below in the radio, marvelous songs! -From the 80’ies. 

Wham!

Makes me think about lots of other hits from that period.

“White snake – here I go again” “U2 – With or without you” “Cyndi Lauper – Girls just wanna have fun” “Wham – I’m your man” “The police – every breath you take”  “Eurythmics – miracle of love” “Culture club – Do you really want to hurt me” “Berlin – take my breath away” “Foreigner – I want to know what love is” “Joan Jett – I love rock n’roll” “Queen – I want to break free”

I could continue for hours!

Wonder what happened to the sweet guy I went to school with in the 80’ies? The quiet boy, always smiling always ready with a funny comment? I really liked him, in another way than the others, I kind of respected him and cherished the time with him, the one and only male-friend I had without fantasizing about him as a boyfriend… I was busy having fun and running around with crazy hormones in my head, being a jerk sometimes, like many other teenagers, but not this guy, he was the same all the time, easy and unproblematic! He was wise, guess he has a good job now, bet he is highly educated. I actually named my son after him – of course no one knows J

And how about my dearest friend – my one and only soul mate at that time? (And ever, now I think about it!) We were yin and yang for almost 10 years - inseparable! We went to sport together, slept together, went to school together, made homework together – everything! I loved her and her family very much… Her mother was the sweetest, and she had so much to give, even to me, in fact a stranger! Don’t know what happened, I moved and the crazy hormones continued (!), so bit by bit our contact faded out. Still think of her once in a while, even tried to name my daughter after her, but didn’t succeed! ...Wonder what became of her…?

Madonna


Well, let's dive into a couple of evergreens J

True blue - Madonna:

I've had other guys
I've looked into their eyes
But I never knew love before
'Til you walked through my door
I've had other lips
I've sailed a thousand ships
But no matter where I go
You're the one for me baby this I know, 'cause it's

True love
You're the one I'm dreaming of
Your heart fits me like a glove
And I'm gonna be true blue baby I love you

I've heard all the lines
I've cried oh so many times
Those tear drops they won't fall again
I'm so excited 'cause you're my best friend
So if you should ever doubt
Wonder what love is all about
Just think back and remember dear
Those words whispered in your ear, I said

No more sadness, I kiss it good-bye
The sun is bursting right out of the sky
I searched the whole world for someone like you
Don't you know, don't you know that it's

True love, oh baby, true love, oh baby
True love, oh baby, true love it's

True, so if you should ever doubt
Wonder what love is all about
Just think back and remember dear
Those words whispered in your ear, I said

You can't hurry love - Phil Collins:

I need love, love
Ooh, ease my mind
And I need to find time
Someone to call mine;

My mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
But it's a game of give and take
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
Just trust in a good time
No matter how long it takes

How many heartaches must I stand
Before I find the love to let me live again
Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on
When I feel my strength, ooh, it's almost gone

I remember mama said
You can't hurry love
No you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
How long must I wait
How muck more must I take
Before loneliness
Will cause my heart, heart to break?

No, I can't bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I, I can't go on
Well these precious words keep me hanging on

I remember mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
Well, it's a game of give and take
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
Just trust in a good time
No matter how long it takes, now break!

Now love, love don't come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms
Hold me tight
I keep waiting
Ooh, till that day
But it ain't easy (Love don't come easy)
No, you know it ain't easy

My mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy