Come together

Things have been quiet the last couple of days. Quiet all the way around my on the surface normal life.

Now facing a weekend with family visit, a lot of lovely food, cozy come-together spirit and relaxing. That’s what I need. Hopefully things turn out that way… you never know…

Anyway – I’ll do my part J And I really look forward to the family visit, always really nice – also for the kids.

Do you remember?

Sweetie…you asked me if I remember… of course I do – what a question!

Let me ask you – do you remember…?

I'm in the mood for dancin', romancin'

Ooh I'm given' it all tonight

I'm in the mood for chancin'

I feel like dancin'

Ooh so come on and hold me tight

Dancin', I'm in the mood, babe

So let the music play

Ooh I'm dancin', I'm in the groove, babe

So get on up and let your body sway

 Do you know that song? It really gets you in the mood…Well let’s take a slow one…

…is dancing with me cheek to cheek

There's nobody here, it's just you and me, It's where I wanna be

But I hardly know this beauty by my side

I'll never forget, the way you look tonight

 So sweet… have you seen the movie? But…now we are close, I have to admit something…

I've been alone with you inside my mind

And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times

I sometimes see you pass outside my door

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

 Also a slow one, with a voice as silk…but I’m not finish confessing…

I look at you and I fantasize

You're mine tonight

Now I've got you in my sights

With these hungry eyes

One look at you and I can't disguise

I've got hungry eyes

I feel the magic between you and I

 Also from a movie, as sweet as the other one… speaking of eyes…

Sexy eyes, moving 'cross the floor, couldn't want for more, sexy eyes

Sexy eyes, getting down with you, I wanna move with you, sexy eyes

I got up and took your hand and we both began to dance to the music

Ooh your magic cast a spell, it didn't take long 'til we fell and we knew it

No more lonely nights for me, this is how its gonna be

  

 An old song… not sure the band exist anymore… let’s take another one of their hits

Look into my eyes and give me that smile,

the one that always turns me on

And let me take your hair down,

'cause we're stayin' up to greet the sun

When your body's had enough of me

And I'm layin flat out on the floor

When you think I've loved you all I can

I'm gonna love you a little bit more

 …are you still hanging on??  okay, I’ll slow down…you know, sono una sognatrice, so the next you know for sure…

Sweet dreams are made of this

Who am I to disagree?

I travel the world

And the seven seas--

Everybody's looking for something.

Some of them want to use you

Some of them want to get used by you

Some of them want to abuse you

Some of them want to be abused

 After a long night…

The morning light caresses your face on my pillow

You’re still asleep and you're so beautiful

I’m so proud that I lie right beside you

My bed, my sheets, you and me, so suitable

You give me the best of you, and I wanna give you the best of me

I know that to two of us together we are meant to be

I adore you, my body’s calling for you

I feel like I’ve come home when I’m with you

You’re so beautiful

I just thought you ought to know

This is original

I never felt like this way before

And now I’m waking up with you

I can't believe that this is true

You’re so beautiful

 Well to tell you the truth:

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover

I'm a child, I'm a mother

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint

I do not feel ashamed

I'm your health, I'm your dream

I'm nothing in between

You know you wouldn't want it any other way

Just when you think you've got me figured out

the season's already changing

I think it's cool you do what you do

and don't try to save me

The Spirit

You heard my prayer

And calmed my worried heart

Let me take you on a journey

I have so many songs in my head right now. Songs describing my situation and feelings. Let me take you on a journey in the universe of Eurythmics.

Listen to the music

How many sorrows
Do you try to hide
In a world of illusion
That's covering your mind?
I'll show you something good
Oh I'll show you something good.
When you open your mind
You'll discover the sign
That there's something
You're longing to find

The miracle of love
Will take away your pain
When the miracle of love
Comes your way again.

Cruel is the night
That covers up your fears.
Tender is the one
That wipes away your tears.
There must be a bitter breeze
To make you sting so viciously
They say the greatest coward
Can hurt the most ferociously.
But I'll show you something good.
Oh I'll show you something good.
If you open your heart
You can make a start
When your crumbling world falls apart.

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas,
Everybody's looking for something.

Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.

No one on earth could feel like this
I'm thrown and overflown with bliss
There must be an angel
Playing with my heart
I walk into an empty room
And suddenly my heart goes boom
It's an orchestra of angels
And they're playing with my heart
(Must be talking to an angel)

No one on earth could feel like this
I'm thrown and overflown with bliss
There must be an angel
Playing with my heart

And when I think that I'm alone
It seems there's more of us at home
It's a multitude of angels
And they're playing with my heart

I must be hallucinating
Watching angels celebrating
Could this be reactivating
All my senses dislocating
This must be a strange deception
By celestial intervention
Leavin' me the recollection
Of your heavenly connection

Here comes the rain again
Falling on my head like a memory
Falling on my head like a new emotion
I want to walk in the open wind
I want to talk like lovers do
I want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you

So baby talk to me
Like lovers do
Walk with me
Like lovers do
Talk to me
Like lovers do

Now you know my story

I really have to take a very deep breath at the moment! More than once a day! Problems are raging and my shoulders starts feeling too small now! My head is spinning and even though they say a woman can keep 10 different things going at the same time, I’m not sure it’s the case here! –And problems at home are only occupying one half of my brain – the practical part! The other half is busy handling my emotions after my mail to you yesterday. Was telling you everything wise? Previous I have been so determined not to tell you until it was possible face to face. What happened to all those arguments?

You probably think I’m a complete idiot! And I don’t blame you. My story is a mess from a to z – and you’ve only heard a bit of it. Maybe that’s also one of the reasons that I would tell you face to face – to watch your reaction. This kind of silence is killing me! –you know that! Either you haven’t read my mail yet, or you do not know what to say, or you just don’t want to talk to me again… God forbid the last one!

Anyway now you know my story – even though only in headlines.

Finally weekend

It’s been tough the last 10 days at home. Personal problems in the family, and I have been the only one who could stay focused. Maybe because I after all these years have become a bit cold and learned to distance myself. I don’t get so emotionally involved any longer, and this is important. It saves me from a lot of concern  and anxiety. –And makes it possible for me to take care of the ones I love.

To think of all the beauty in my life, to take a deep breath and think twice, this have become my mantra. –And I’m actually proud of myself J It succeed more and more!! Is it okay to praise yourself?! Yeah, I will proudly bury the Jante Law !! I am really growing J

It’s nice to look out of the window, suck all the sunbeams and know deep inside that the puzzle will be done, bit by bit – by myself…

Music I love

I just love this song, both with and without Tina Turner.Have a break and turn up the volume – follow the link right below:

Listen to the music

Cose della vita

Sono umane situazioni
Quei momenti fra di noi
I distacchi ed i ritorni
Da capirci niente poi
Gia come vedi
Sto pensando a te...si...da un po'



They're just human contradictions
Feeling happy feeling sad
These emotional transitions
All the memories we've had
Yes, you know it's true
I just can't stop thinking of you

No I just can't pretend
All the time we spent could die
Wanna feel it again
All the love we felt then

Confinanti di cuore solo che ognuno sta
Dietro gli steccati degli orgogli suoi
Sto pensando a te
Sto pensando a noi

Sono cose della vita
Vanno prese un po' cosi
Some for worse and some for better
But through it all we've come so far
Gia...come vedi
Io sto ancora in piedi perche

Sono umani tutti i sogni miei
Con le mani io li prenderei, si perchè
What's life without a dream to hold?
Take my hand and never let me go

It's part of life together
But what future does it hold?
Sono cose della vita
Ma la vita poi dov'e

Yes, you know it's true
I just can't stop thinking of you
Questa notte che passa piano accanto a me
Cerco di affrontarla, afferrarla
If our hearts miss a beat
Or get lost like a ship at sea
I wanna remember, I can never forget

Can't stop thinking of you
Sto pensando a noi Can't stop thinking of you
Can't stop

My future Kingdom

The pictures are filling my head

The movies are running through

The music is beautiful and clear

The wonderful symphony  I hear

My luggage is bursting

Memories from many years

Thoughts and feelings – tears and smiles

I have passed thousands of miles

I see the horizon

I feel the air

Independence, liberty and freedom

Will be my future kingdom

You are the breath I'm missing

9 month ago now

but still beautiful

maybe even more...

Storms are beating our head

and bead of melancholy hurting our rest

but since the first day of the verb to be

I've stared your eyes

you've licked my wounds

Who are you?

Who am I?

What is love?

You are the muse of yesterday and tomorrow

and I'm floating on spirit and flesh

you and me

no ties to the world

pieces of heart thrown here and there

looking for freedom and flowering trees.

I'm the green palm of your sunny waterfront,

I'm cedar and ocean and deep,

you are wood and marble and ivory

horizon, trip and uncharted path

We are misunderstandings deceits hypocrisies

I’m the breath you are missing

You are the fist tightening dreams in my throat…



Welcome 2012

A New year – welcome 2012

I need some changes now… I feel like making something new, so how about some bright colors on my blog? The day is getting longer, and the light is slowly returning…

I believe it’s going to be a good year. I’m full of optimism. I’m so close to who I am, closer than for years, and I love it.

Hope you all will have a wonderful 2012

Happy New Year

A year has almost gone now. My first thought is – already? Then – of course! So many things have happened the last 12 months, so actually I wonder only a year has passed…

 – I met you… It’s impossible to say exactly what happened and in which sequence! One thing is for sure…well in fact more things are for sure… -Anyway, my world got a new dimension…

The months with you… and the following without you… sometimes like a roller coaster! But I really feel so grateful and lucky. Sometimes I don’t understand how my heart can store so much beauty… maybe our hearts grows relatively, the more sorrows and pain, the more beauty and love, the bigger heart…?Do you think there is someone above, making sure that there is a balance between good and evil on our path?

New Years Eve… with my dear friend and our families by the sea… And with you on my mind… bringing you a toast… Talking to the moon…being so grateful for everything you brought into my life…

 -And I do think that somebody above blessed me with your company… 

I have this weird feeling of rejecting something very precious… and I have - you… Combined  with the feeling of being in another life than meant for me, another life than suitable for me… The thought of deserving more…But as I said over and over, it takes time… And after all these years – a couple more years is worth it all…

I believe I’ll be blessed again… And when time is right, I’ll receive it with all my heart…

Let our movie play

I’m so sorry… I can tell by your silence that you are confused. And I understand. Guess I am a freak! It’s not about you, but about me… Please give me some time…I don’t expect you to understand it, but please accept it…

Close your eyes

Smile at me

Listen to your favorite music

Have your favorite drink

Let our movie play

A mysterious freak

So nice to hear from you. No, not nice! -Marvelous and wonderful. I really missed your words. I still do… And I long to see you… talk to you face to face… watch the light in your deep brown eyes…

So many things on my mind and I hate not to tell you everything… I hate sounding like a mysterious freak!

“Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it can.” ― Nicholas Sparks

“You cannot find peace by avoiding life.”
― Virginia Woolf

Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.”
― John Wayne

The first snow

The first snow has fallen. Not slow, peacefully and romantic, but a very beautiful sight anyway! And the moment I enter my work, the traffic and chaos in the streets are forgotten! From my desk I have a stunning view through the large windows; big trees with  huge (now white) tops, a wonderful garden and an elder home. Very calming – both in summertime and now in winter.

Two out of five Christmas presents are bought. So far so good! The budget is already exceeded (same procedure as last year, and the year before, and the year before that…!) who mentioned anything about financial crisis? 

Still don’t know anything about Christmas eve, but New years eve is planed! We are going on a small vacation with some dear friends, in their holiday cottage near the sea. It’s going to be great. I really cherish our friendship - and the kids will have fun too.

Fortunately, we are also going to visit my siblings too. It’s been a long time since we last were together, and I really miss them. We are so alike and yet so different. We have our separately lives and families and nevertheless we are tightly connected.

Merry Christmas everyone

Hallelujah

A sick child, a hospitalization, high fever, stomach pain and for a mother a great deal of worries. We are home again, nothing critically, only a virus! The fever has fallen and the appetite is slightly returning. No sleep nor fresh air – if I thought I was tired before, I was wrong, ‘cause now I am!!

24 days until Christmas. Nothing settled yet. Where to celebrate Christmas eve, what to eat or what to buy for the family! Nothing.

But. In all the misery a light came though! My job is secured one more year! If I wasn’t so tired I would put my arms over my head and scream Hallelujah! What a Christmas gift. I feel so lucky. This is really a great job for me. Sometimes busy sometimes quiet. Sometimes challenging sometimes routine. –Like my temper!

Hallelujah.

Never ending

Are you still somewhere out there? Do you think of me as much as I think of you? I wish I knew what’s going on in your life right now. Hope you are happy. I really really do.

And I hope our paths will cross again someday.

Thank you so much for the star you placed in my sky… beautiful, shining, inspiring and delightful…never ending

Someone like You

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,"
Yeah.

Adele

Sono una sognatrice

I’m finding it so hard to focus at the moment. -Well, to focus on the right things at the right time! A mysterious time at work, some are really busy and struggling to keep up, and some are waiting for them to finish, before they can start their part of the job.

I’m in the last category! I’m waiting. I’m not quite sure for what, but I’m going to be busy too, they say! Off course, I have some “basic” work, costumers and phone calls, but not nearly enough to fill  a whole day.

So I’m wondering. Sure I’m wondering. And dreaming. Sono una sognatrice, remember?! Every time I have a moment, where my little brain not is occupied with something practical, I’m wondering and dreaming. What if… -and I love it. There are so many lovely things to dream about, and so many gorgeous persons on my mind and in my life – no wonder they are circulating constantly!!

Do you know the old song, “Get out of my dreams and into my car” by Billy Ocean? That’s what my dreams are about right now… - maybe I should tell you to remember “Love really hurts without you” first…

...........................................................................................................

The Man Who can't Be Moved

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not, broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving
I'm not moving
The Script

What's waiting in the horizon

54 hours of sun in November, average!

I feel like half of the day is missing in my life! I don’t have enough time, at work, at home, with the kids or with myself – alone! Not that I generally need to be alone, but you know, just to read a book, study Italian, watch a movie or listen to music. Without thinking of anything else! No commitments at all!

And my energy level is annoyingly  low! I can sleep 12 hours and still be tired, lazy and drained! Luckily, the kids are keeping me aware! They have so much in their lives and we all need that I’m a big part of it, so it forces me to be paying attention and follow their speed!

Time is really passing by so fast and I both hate and love it! Hate it, because the feeling of always being behind is killing me! I constantly aim to be in control… On the other hand I love the thought of getting older and the kids too. I really enjoy the different periods of their ages, but never the less, things will change when they get older. I will be able to do things in my life, which I really long for…

3 hours a week I still hold sacred! The Italian course. We are only 7 students, and it’s so amusing, relaxing, inspiring, learning and challenging. At the moment it’s the only thing I do for myself and for my own benefit. I need it. It makes me feel like an individual. Not a mother, a wife, an employee or a housekeeper! And our teacher is marvelous: Warm and tender, smiling, funny and very skilled. I love to hear and learn about Italy! Such a wonderful country, landscape, culture and population. When she shows photos from her home region and tells us about their customary I get a strong need of exploring!! Many years of vacation in the north of Italy have given me a bit of the adventure, but not nearly enough!

I know what’s waiting in the horizon…

The Rose

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

Bette Midler

I'm still dreaming

I miss you so much. Miss your words. You are so far away. I read your beautiful letters over and over again.

And I know. Even if you were here, we would still be miles apart. Time is not right.

But I keep dreaming. Maybe for always. No one knows. Got to take one step at a time.

One thing is for sure

                              I will always love you

Another thing is for sure

                             No one have ever touched me so deep

La tua Sognatrice

Bella - Bello

From The Muse of My Muse

I miss you

Swing spot
Captain my Captain
Answers and deeds in a landscape of ink
you want me paint.
Frame of mind
You want to make yours, rounds of hell of mine
While your verbs are looking for pieces of truth
On my hand palm o heart my heart
I'm keeping on sculpt
Steps to the starway of our osmosis
To take you
to the tips of my Paradise
Where interwined legs
Arm hair and hands likewise
Over cream of cloud and rain will be
And on your lips with tongues of fire I'll sing
And for you the flag will flung
And for you the bugle will trill
For you bouquets,wreaths, shores and ships
For you this arm beneath your head
Dreamer my dreamer my bed!
I do not answer you are right
My lips are pale and still
And I have no pulse nor will
But in the infinite ocean of your eyes
at the same horizon where the power
of your water depth meets my wonderful skies
There I will write my musical scores
There I will draw all the gold notes
There you will bright I guess
all the dark pauses of my soul o princess,
my princess!
And looking in the mirror you will see
more clear than I've ever done
my ship anchored safe and sound
my voyage closed and bound.
I won't bypass all your question marks
As he who runs for life like an athlete
I will burn every inch separates us
You'll be my finishing line
me, a sunbeam to warm your breast, once again.
O goodness my goodness!

Here without you

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same.
All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me.


3 Doors Down

For Now

The Italian course has started again. I’m so eager to learn, but it’s very difficult and I don’t have much time at the moment. The homework is killing me! Wonder if I’ll ever be able to speak and understand the language totally…? Actually I wondered whether I should swift to English instead and get more confident with it and expand my vocabulary…?

The kids are really keeping all my senses awake! The oldest with her wonderful humor and thoughtful wonderings. She’s smart! A nice thing to state in this world!! The little one with his martial art! He has begun sparring competing, and my nerves are torn! His first tournament a couple of weeks ago and he got bronze! No damages or broken bones – what a relief! He was marvelous. He has so much control of his body and I really think this can get him far, if he wishes. Well, I said the same thing last year about his football. He controlled the ball and was a brilliant player. But Taekwondo won his attention. And that’s good, at least for now. He needs a sport, where the results only are depending on himself and his own efforts!

Christmas is near. I question our economic situation, but it’s the same every year – and we always have a proper Christmas after all! Anyway, the situation is a bit different right now. Maybe I’m unemployed from 1. January. And we have a big celebration in 6 months. Confirmation. Family, friends, dress(es), lots of food and thousands of others costs! A big day and I want to make it her day… It’s a kind of a cloud hanging over us right now where we don’t have all the money settled…

From Friday we have vacation for one week. That’ll be nice. To get away, walk by the sea with the kids and the dog. Getting my mind blown!!

The challenge

Fall. The weather has changed. Not that we have had any summer this year, but anyway. Rain, storm and cloudy… Leaves are changing colours. Beautiful. I love the burned colours. Yellow, orange and brown…

It’s dark most of the day now. The speed has slowed down – everywhere. The charm of the season.

I’m wondering what’s happening on the other side of the moon… I miss the words, the thoughts, the sign of life… It’s so dear to me… Is it even possible to connect only by exchanging thoughts?

I got to have faith. I tell myself all the time. Faith in the future. But I have to live in the moment too. It can be a challenge… But what dosen’t kill you, makes you stronger – right?

To Dare

I know the sorrow

I know the pain

I know the feeling

Senseless insane

I feel Eruptions of rage

I feel Moments  in despair

I feel Verbal misery

Why don’t I dare

Are you there above

Watching me

Are you sad or glad

Of what you see

Do you see the life

Partly in me

Do you see the distressed

For me to be

Can you give me the strength

Can you give me nerve

Can you give me the warmth

I long to deserve

The little seed

Do you know the feeling? You are both happy and satisfied but deep inside unpleased and frustrated … excided jet anxious … curious though nervous … Your feelings are conflicting … Not all the time - well at least not on the surface … You live in deny.

But I know. I know the outcome. I know the feeling on the other side. Deep down I feel it. I need it, I long for it. It makes me going. Surviving. The feeling of my true identity. I have been hiding so many years. Denying. I have been playing along for so many years, that I sometimes wonder whether I am capable of anything else.

But I know. Deep down.

When time is right. Not now. I’ll use the meantime to growth. And when times get too tough, I hold on to the little seed – to the little light which keeps my spirit up.

Sono cose della vita

Very busy at work, I love it… Not two days are alike… I sure wish I can stay – on the other hand, who knows witch doors will open if I don’t get to stay….? Is it time for trying to teach? My old dream? I’m not convinced…

The children are at school, like if the vacation was years ago! Already tired of homework! Back in the old habit!! I struggle with youngest every single day. Why can’t he do something he like – as the adults?? If they don’t like their work, they search another job. Why must he sit down the whole day, making boring things??!! A lot of questions from a little guy, and no reasonable answers…

Now I look forward to my Italian-course, which begins in fourteen days… Look forward to spending a couple of hours on my own, and only for my own benefit!

…Sono cose della vita…

From the other side of the moon

I love your words.

Thank you so much.

You are the muse of my muse

You are my expectation
my faculty to indulge.
In your thoughts
in your braided words
as reeds of baskets
I surrender...
I get lost...
I am welcomed...
Now, for a moment, for ever...
You are my expectations
and with my desires of you,
of your hands,
your tongue,
your mouths
you live and multiply in my mind
while my volition desperately flap
against language's walls.
I know maybe wait is long
but the dream of you is not over
cause you are the one
who was to come
you are the one who was to paralyze my heart.
You are the world and the house
I have learned to live in.
You are my waiting
my absolute sentiment

Month of Fall

It’s September. Month of Fall. Now it’s really Fall! And as someone wishes to underline it, it’s raining more than ever now! All the rain we have got through the whole summer faints and flushes away! The storm is raging and reminds me of the dark time to come…

I find comfort in the books, a blanket and candle lights. Earth’s Children by Jean M. Auel. An exciting masterpiece… I wonder if there will be enough of books for the whole Winther!!

The Cure

A deep breath fills my lungs
The air so pure
releases a cure

raindrops softly on my face
silence all around
memories make the sound

wide haze before my eyes
shine from my heart
Confirmed the start

Deep dark of the night
The muse is tender
My soul surrender
 

You will always be in my heart

Your words can relieve my bleeding heart
Even though we are miles apart

How can I tell my crying soul
All the pain can have a goal?

May your lips release the tears on my cheek
May your shield be strong – for I am weak

When the needs of the spirit and mind
Are lost in mature - in a kind

Torn between dreams, sense and need
feeling high companioned or alone at the feet

so sad like rain falling on earth
so fantastic as when given birth

 even though colors are clear
and everything I hear

no doubts are in my mind
........................
but the answer I cannot find