I miss some intimacy

I love this song! Nothing less. It's on my mind 24/7. Her moves... voice... everything...
Listen to it.
Let your mind wander.

Do you know what I mean..?

Love on the brain - Rihanna - listen on youtube

I'm back!

Have I said that before? -Well, it doesn't make it less true! I am back, and I have missed writing like hell. (Excuse my language!) Releasing the pressure... It has been almost two years since my last post... I will not try to tell everything that has happened in these two years - that would be impossible! 

I'm back and I am happier, stronger and more alive than ever :-)

My angel - in blue jeans

I could have written this song! I have once met an angel in blue jeans J

"Angel In Blue Jeans" - Train

Listen to the song on Youtube

And though I never got her name

Or time to find out anything

I loved her just the same

And though I rode a different road

And sang a different song

I’ll love her till my last breaths gone

Like a river made of silver

Everyone came running to the scene

I was shot down in cold blood

By an angel in blue jeans

Late that night she got away

I chased her to the turnpike

Then lost her where the music never plays

And though I rolled upon the stones and fell into the water

I’ll love her till my judgment day

Like a sunrise made og white lies

Everything was nothing as it seems

I was shot down in cold blood

By an angel in blue jeans

I hear voices calling all around

I keep falling down

I think my heart could pound right out of me

I see a million different ways

To never leave this maze alive

I woke up in somebody’s arms

Strange and so familiar

Where nothing could go wrong

Barely alive or nearly dead

Somehow awake in my own bed

And there you are

Like a highway headed my way

Life is but a dream

I was shot down by your love

My angel in blue jeans

I miss you

"Dear Darlin"

Olly Murs

Listen to the song on Youtube

Dear darlin’, please excuse my writing.
I can’t stop my hands from shaking
'Cause I’m cold and alone tonight.

I miss you and nothing hurts like no you.
And no one understands what we went through.
It was short. It was sweet. We tried.

And if my words break through the wall
And meet you at your door,
All I can say is “Girl, I mean them all.”

Dear darlin’, please excuse my writing.
I can’t stop my hands from shaking
'Cause I’m cold and alone tonight.

I miss you and nothing hurts like no you.
And no one understands what we went through.
It was short. It was sweet. We tried. We tried.

[Woman:] I understand where he's coming from.

Been thinking about the bar we drank in.
Feeling like the sofa was sinking.
I was warm in the hold of your eyes.

So if my words break through the wall
To meet you at your door,
All I can say is “Girl, I mean them all.”

Dear darlin’, please excuse my writing.
I can’t stop my hands from shaking
'Cause I’m cold and alone tonight.

I miss you and nothing hurts like no you.
And no one understands what we went through.
It was short. It was sweet. We tried.

Oh I can't cope. These arms are yours to hold.

And I miss you and nothing hurts like no you.
And no one understands what we went through.
It was short. It was sweet. We tried.
We tried

Where are you?

True Friends

Remember to put the glass down!

I saw this on Instagram the other day, and I really like it, therefore I will share it with you:

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter.

It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

Remember to put the glass down.

Happy Easter

The sun is shining from a cloudless sky. I love it. It’s such a wonderful feeling – like all the peace and harmony goes right through my eyes and fills my body. I forget all my trouble and pain. It’s Easter now which means a couple of days off – great! I’m going to enjoy it. I’m going to push all the worrying thoughts aside and be weightless, open-minded and pleased with what I have. I will think of you though – someone I miss terrible from time to time. But I will turn the feeling into a fantastic and wonderful feeling and be happy to have you in my mind.

Don’t cry it’s over, smile it happened

Happy Easter everyone 

Out of the bubble

Do you know the feeling – wondering around in your own world, thinking, dreaming and not being able to do anything useful?! I’m in such a bubble right now (again! I am familiar with it!)

Work is increasing and the more busy the more ineffectual I get!!

I dream about Italy. Everything about wonderful Italy. The culture, the food, the sun and warm weather. The particular smell of the dry earth combined with the heat waves… The olive trees… The calm atmosphere – sometimes broken by a tempered native!!

I wonder – could I get a life there? I’m a very tied to my family, even though I only see it once in a while… The confidence that they are only a couple of hours away… My mother and siblings… I couldn’t do without my kids that’s for sure! –They could come with me…?

I dream about an apartment. My own place. Maybe a house – that’s not important though. It’s not important where either! Not necessary Italy! Could be right here around… I dream about my own life. No one to push me around…  No one to tell me what to do…

It starts here by myself, I know… I’m the one to take the first step… And I know it’s going to happen. It’s already started – right here in my mind. Actually it’s been here for some years – more or less. Had some things to finish first. Now it’s done. Now it’s time to get ready.

That’s my dream. My wondering. My bubble.

I want it out of the bubble and into my life – I want the bubble to burst. I’m getting ready… I want to live it all…

So true

warm word

Snow isn’t covering the landscape yet… Frankly it’s a seldom sight I November, but I love it so much. Before we know it, it’s January, snowing, freezing and beautiful… And another couple of months it’s March, and springtime - even more wonderful…

 

I love springtime, it’s like my inner battery is fully loaded and I feel so much energy and optimistic – my absolutely peak of the year! And maybe I’m quite confident in the future right now, feeling everything is going to be all right…


Dreams

 I love quotes!

At the moment this one suits me just fine! Dreams and doubts are troubling my mind all day – and night actually! I’m just not ready to take the big step yet, and obliviously I’m not settled with my situation either...

Guess time will tell...

Fletwood Mac:

 I wish you were here holding me tight
If I had you near, you'd make it alright
I wish you were here
'Cause I feel like a child tonight



Certain lights you can not turn off

Certain lights you can not turn off
...thats right...

Autumn

Over every mountain there is a path, although it may not be seen from the valley.

Theodore Roethke

Work is occupying my mind. That’s why I haven’t been blogging for a while. Changes are coming and we have to say goodbye to some colleagues, don’t know how many or when, but within two weeks everything will be settled, and from the first of January the new organization will see the dawn. It’s rough to go through changes so often as we are, especially when colleagues are dismissed, and you never know when it’s your turn! But that’s the circumstances we are working under, and I love my job never the less…

I get enjoyed by the weather! The sun is shining, the leaves are changing colors and flying around… It’s an awesome period – I love it! So I choose to be happy about the thousands of things which are going right – and to close my eyes for the other things, which I know will be bothering me, and I cannot change at the moment anyway!

Happy autumn everyone…

Vacation is over!

Vacation is over. Done. Finished. Mission completed! A wonderful vacation… But as usual my inner feelings are torn! This year I won’t use so much time whining about it, just state, that nothing has changed at that point! That’s my life for a period! I’ll be fine – for a period! And because this certain period is coming to an end, I’m quite confident…

We have had a lot of sun, both in Italy and at home. Actually, I cannot remember last time our summer was this lovely! We are certainly not used to it – and it still is wonderful J It’s amazing how much the sun and heat influences my mood – I should consider moving to Italy! This cold and dark north is sometimes killing me! But, now the sun is here, and I intend to love it fully...

It’s good to be back at work. As the previous years, it’s a bit quiet this time a year. Suits me fine. No stress. I can do my work, and still have time to do all the small things I always push aside!

Well, vacation is over, and now a new period is beginning. In my head, the year is divided in two, from Christmas till summer vacation, and from the end of vacation till Christmas. The next period is the dark one… autumn, leaves are falling, dark more hours than light, and the change of weather all the time… Almost no time free, maybe one week in October. -Quite opposite to the first period, the light is gaining, a lot of days off and small vacations due to national holidays and the looooong summer vacation in sight!! 

I love both periods! And they both have a certain charm.

Now second period has started – you’ll hear more about my ups and downs related to that...

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
Marie Curie

To travel :-)

Have a lovely summer :-)

A few weeks then it’s vacation-time!! This year we have a long vacation, and it’s really necessary and long waited! We are going south again, nothing new in that, but something’s different nevertheless – for the better… I have an inner calm and believe in the time to come…

I’m going to relax, have a wonderful time with my kids, enjoy the sun, the climate and the culture. Read, swim and solve crosswords! Make some lovely food, with fresh and local ingredients. That’s life… Reloading the batteries J

It’s hard to focus and concentrate at work! It’s the same every year before summer vacation – and I hate it! All my thoughts are circling around what to bring along, how to pack and what to remember for the kids… -So when I get back to the office after almost 4 weeks, I’m way behind because of the last days absence before vacation!! – Well, guess my energy is at its highest at that time anyway, so it’ll be all right J J

 

…so, have a lovely summer everybody… I’m gonna miss you, and miss my writing… I’ll send you my thoughts…


Hey hey hey
It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling
If we're drinking, then I'm buying
And I know there's no denying
It's a beautiful day, the sun is up, the music's playing
And even if it started raining
You won't hear this boy complaining
'Cause I'm glad that you're the one who got away
It's a beautiful day

Michael Buble - It's a beautiful day

 

Life is spinning

It’s been such a wonderful weather the last couple of days. I’ve sucked all the positivity from the sunbeams as possible J  I love this time a year, the birds are singing after a long and cold winter, the trees are getting green leaves and the grass getting softer – even flowers are popping up here and there, it is really beautiful… In our garden a blackbird has 5 baby birds in a little nest and a tiny mouse is running around in our birdhouse, eating all the bread! Everywhere life is spinning J can you anything but love it? J

Have a lovely weekend :-)

Just wanted to wish you all a lovely weekend... My blog is under reconstruction - as well as I am... It's a longer story, won't tell you..-not now...But now the sun is shining, and I'm having a day off monday, so a loooong weekend - suits me fine :-)

Have a lovely weekend :-)

A little prayer

Pater Noster

Give me the strength

Show me the path

Protect my loved ones  

Put your hand above them

Let them believe their inner strength

Amen

My promise

It’s been a long time since I’ve been blogging… Not that I haven’t had a lot of thoughts about my life and situation, and not that I haven’t had trouble gathering the thoughts, but I have been busy and all in all it’s been a hell concentrating and focusing! The big celebration is just around the corner, my beautiful son who is about to be confirmated. He is on the stairs to adulthood. It’s a very wonderful day and we all look forward to it. It has taken all my energy – and now, with only a few days left, I can see the outcome of our efforts, and my to-do-list is getting shorter J

I guess I suppress a lot of mixed emotions at the moment. –Have done for a lot of years actually, but now it’s feeling worse, or maybe I’m not that good at suppressing them any longer… Many years ago I made a pact with myself… Think time is up, and a part of me wants the pact to be fulfilled… It frightens me though, cause I know it won’t be without a lot of conflicts. I hate conflicts. I want to be in control, even though that means compromising on many personal issues… That’s going to change! –Just not right now…

What a week :-)

Another week has gone. And what a week! I tell you, we have had the most beautiful weather in a long time. The sun has shined every day, from dawn to dusk – so wonderful. Guess spring has arrived, even though snow is melting in a slow tempo, like it won’t let go! The nights are still very cold, but it doesn’t matter, as long as miss sunshine takes over J

I still have a million thoughts on my mind – buzzing around like the birds outside my window! …thankful for my job, and yet hate it now and then, when the tasks gets too boring… excited about our summer vacation – dreaming of Italy, the sun, the warm weather and the relaxing atmosphere, and yet torn between my personal feeling, not knowing how to handle our situation… the big celebration in 3 weeks is also occupying my mind, hoping everything will turn out fine…

In a magazine I read  my horoscope: …You feel like standing on a volcano about to erupt, but be patience… Don’t know how many times I have said that to myself!

Guess for a while I will look out of my window, and feel free and weightless like the birds outside – spring has arrived and I will suck it all the way down in my stomach  J

Happy Easter

Easter J That means extra days off, time with the kids and family, and a lot of wonderful food! It’s really a cozy time and I cherish it a lot.

It’s time to do the last things before the confirmation in a month, our clothes, the decorations for the tables, greetings to the other children and so on. Lots of small things but together it’s takes time – I know! It’s a fantastic day for all of us, and especially for my kid, the youngest and last one J

This Easter we are also visiting family members, whom we seldom see – it’s very nice. I miss my sister and brother, and their big families, far away, and the kids miss their uncle and aunt J

The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances. ~Robert Flatt

Have a lovely Easter everybody J

Patience

I want to have my goal clear in mind

To know it, and where to find

I will not keep traveling this road

Frustrating and with fear in my throat

I want to live and feel alive

Being able to cry or give a smile

But patience is a virtue

And necessary for now – that’s true

It doesn’t make it easier though

And the fear of how things will go

It’s haunting me at night

A disaster running through my sight

keeping focused is the challenge for me

being aware of how it shall be

a life like the birds free in the sky

never questioning feelings or why

taking control to stand up for myself

admitting my place on another shelf

The feeling of relaxation

I just love this Blog background! It’s the house I’m gonna get in Italy J I have almost the same background here on my computer at work, and it’ so great to look at! I cannot wait till spring, to change the image, so meantime this will be it!

I’m dreaming of Italy, summer, sun, recreation, the perfect smell of the warm earth and dry grass gives me the feeling of joy and relaxation…

Anyway, it’s not summer vacation yet – but we are rushing towards it, and the next months are full of national holidays, so it’s a little taste of it…

Smile :-)

Bruises

This is such a wonderful song:-)

Train - Bruises

feat. Ashley Monroe
Haven't seen you since high school
Good to see you're still beautiful
Gravity hasn't started to pull
Quite yet I bet you're rich as hell

One that's five and one that's three
Been two years since he left me
Good to know that you got free
That town I know was keeping you down on your knees

These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all got bruises
We all got bruises

Have you seen him? Not in years
How about her? No but I hear
She's in Queens with the man of her dreams
Funny back then she said that about you

Que sera you'll never guess who I saw
Remember Johnny B remember him we were best friends practically
Let's do this soon again, ten years is that what it's been?
Can't believe how time flies by
Leaving you makes me wanna cry

These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all got bruises
We all got bruises

I would love to fix it all for you
I would love to fix you too
Please don't fix a thing whatever you do

These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to know you've got a friend
That you remember now and then
Everybody loses

These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses,everybody loses, everybody loses
We all got bruises, We all got bruises, We all got bruises

I can

I can talk about the weather – and I do!

I can talk about my work – and I do!

…I can talk about everything – but you!

I can take care of my house, kids, work

I can take care like a wife

I can take care of anything – but my own private life

The path is granted

The calm I will  find

…Hopefully somewhere in my mind

It's back

You won’t believe the sight I woke up to yesterday. Powder white beautiful snow J as far as your eye can see – the trees, the fields and the streets, everything! That’s breathtaking! So stunning J

But, only a week ago I was carried away by the sun and gentle weather, dreaming about spring! That’s far in the horizon now! And when I’m done admiring the view and the stillness all the white snow brings along, I’m thinking of all the disadvantages! Almost impossible to come to work – my bike cannot handle the snow drifts!! It took me more than half an hour, normally I do it in 10 minutes. I was sweaty like a dock worker!!

Well, it is beautiful! And I enjoy it – to a certain limit J

At work we are planning summer vacation – who wants when? Brings the usual question along – what can we afford?! The kids are so desperate to get south as we use to… And I must admit I’m too! I simply love it. But as the adult I have to think further… Guess time will tell. We have another big occasion this year, another confirmation – this time the youngest J And we have the costs fresh in mind…

But dreams are for free… If somebody should know, it’s me J

I'm quite confident

Another week has gone. I’m partly introduced to my new tasks, which will fill up half of my work. It’s going to be all right! I have to calm myself, I have had some second thoughts – and still have – because the new tasks are more administrative than case working which I have been used to the last two years… (I’m not sure “case working” is the right expression, you know the work in the municipal (council?) where you help citizens…? If you have a comment on this, please do J)

Anyway, I really love my job, helping people and feeling useful J I also love my colleagues and the culture here, guess some administrative tasks don’t ruin my world – as long as I’m still a case worker too. I’ll give it a shot, I’m not ready to switch job and face huge changes - I hope I can mobilize all my energy against another life, a life where I as an individual am able to live as I want – without always being questioned or confronted… That’s my wish for this year… Changes at home not to many at work…

I’m quite confident J the last couple years have shown me the way…

May you all have a lovely weekend